Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Parody: We Knew You Was Precious

So lately I've been writing more, and some of my poems have been parodies of popular songs.  This parody is a Lord of the Rings inspired jest based on this Taylor Swift tune.  I love Lord of the Rings, and I am ambivalent toward Ms. Swift, so it was a perfect match.  I hope you enjoy!

We Knew You Was Precious

It was our birthday,
Hundreds of years ago,
Deagol picked you up,
But us he wouldn’t show.
We took you,
We took you,
We took you-oo-oo-oo-oo!

For only you we care;
With you we misbehave.
But then the first hobbit,
He fell into our cave.
He took you,
He took you,
He took you-oo-oo-oo-oo!

And you’re long gone,
So our tears begins,
Because now you’re with
That tricksy Baggins!

Cuz we knew you was precious when we killed him,
Oh Deagol our cousin!
Now we’re in places we’ve never been,
Since we follow Frodo.
We knew you was precious when we killed him,
Oh Deagol our cousin!
Now we’re in places we’ve never been,
And we’re lying about Shelob’s lair!

Oh, oh, precious, precious, precious!
Oh, oh, precious, precious, precious!

No apologies,
For all the fat one says.
Pretend we doesn’t hear.
We’ll soon make fat one dead.
We hates him!
We hates him!
We hates him! Hates hates hates him!


We knows you’re moving back
To that big scary eye
In charge of all the orcs.
You know that makes us cry!
We needs you.
We needs you.
We needs you-oo-oo-oo-oo.

No Frodo, please
Don’t give it back!
He’ll use it for
An evil attack!

We knew you was precious when we killed him,
Oh Deagol, our cousin!
Now we’re in places we’ve never been,
Since we follow Frodo.
We knew you was precious when we killed him,
Oh Deagol, our cousin!
Now we’re in places we’ve never been,
And we’re lying about Shelob’s lair!

Oh, oh, precious, precious, precious!
Oh, oh, precious, precious, precious!

Then our saddest fear
That we never thought:
Frodo will destroy you
In fire where you were wrought!  Where you were wrought! No!

We knew you was precious when we killed him,
Oh Deagol, our cousin!
Now we’re in places we’ve never been,
Since we follow Frodo.
We knew you was precious when we killed him,
Oh Deagol, our cousin!
Now we’re in places we’ve never been,
And we’re lying about Shelob’s lair!

Oh, oh, precious, precious, precious!
Oh, oh, precious, precious, precious!

We knew you was precious when we killed him,
Precious, precious, precious!
We knew you was precious when we killed him,

Precious, precious, precious!

Certainly not worthy of inclusion in one of LotR's appendices, but if Taylor Swift wants to perform it, she can contact my people and we'll work something out!

3 comments:

  1. Hello Joshua,

    I recently began reading LoTR after being a deprived human being and actually find this parody quite, um, hilarious :) Thank you for sharing!

    God Bless,
    Emily

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Emily! I wrote it sort of as a dare/commission and I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  2. That is hilarious and really clever! :D

    ReplyDelete

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