Thursday, April 14, 2011

Fiction: The Blind Wizard's Journal 3

This is my favorite entry so far.  I hope you like it.


            The spell worked.  Perfectly.  We are one.
            We were not prepared.
            Our minds were not ready for the overwhelming tide of sensations and emotions.  And thoughts!  We nearly drowned in each other's thoughts.  I felt sense of self slipping away, like incense in the wind.  Mirrin's confidence and faith and joy were so great!  To feel them was to bathe in wonder and terror.  It was like when the Diamond Focus was destroyed, but even more intense.  The world was meant to have that magic.  My mind was not meant to meet hers so directly.  My naked thought melted against hers.
            I cannot give words to what it was like to experience her femininity for the first time.  It was not simply her otherness, but her feminine otherness that was so alien and unintelligible.  It is familiar now.  I am accustomed to it.  But it is still utterly different and... and I just cannot put words to it.
            She said that she was staggered by my thoughts and feelings, too.  All the magecraft that is instinctive to me was incomprehensible, raw idea to her.  And the discipline built up over the years, my defense against the mage-ache, was terrible and frigid steel.  My sense of magic was too acute for her.  It caused her pain at first.  And my sight.  She said it was just a dead spot in me, like a rock in a field of grass.
            My masculinity was not so inscrutable to her as her femininity was to me, but it was still daunting.  She did not speak much of it, but she seems to have caught on to something that delights her.  I remain mystified, and that delights her even more.
            We meld only when we touch, skin to skin.  Brushing my hand against her cheek makes a comet of her presence streak through my mind.  A passionate kiss is a torrent, a riot of her being invading my own.  Making love is indescribable.  If everyone felt this way the first time they made love, there would be no adultery and no divorce.  It is unthinkable to desire anyone else after such an experience.  Mirrin is more a part of me than my breath and blood.  Perhaps we are being recompensed for our spoiled honeymoon?
            She is a wizard, now.  She can use my talent as readily as I can, and she feels no pain.  It is ironic that the very thing that made Idoun so formidable, his painless spellcasting, was the thing that cut him off from all other living things.  His self-love literally stopped his heart.  His arrogance isolated him from every other being in Lariel.  Yes, he was nearly invulnerable.  But vulnerability is part of real love.  What torment it must be to exist for hundreds of years and be unable to love.  Now that he is truly alive, he feels everything again.  He must feel fear most of all.
            Mirrin is not afraid of magic.  When we meld, she can wield my power deftly, now that we have trained each other how to use each other's bodies.  We are still learning the best ways to move with each other, and we are experimenting with different types of clothing and armor.  We cannot always hold hands in battle, and we are discovering what to keep covered and what to leave bare.  Modesty is a concern, but practical needs will be what determine the final shape of our armor.
            The sun is climbing higher, and I have work to do.  I must return to darkness for a while and speak with Tak.

Any comments?  I'd love to see them!

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